Facebook. Everybody has it. Announcing that you don’t have Facebook immediately puts people who previously felt at ease with you on edge, as if you had just farted and burped at the same time in response to their question. Being on the receiving end of this announcement is even worse. The words, “Why? Why don’t they have Facebook?” flash across your mind and you break into a sweat. “What do they have to hide? Are they in some way socially inept? Just back away, back away from them, it will all be fine.” People generally put their lack of a Facebook account down to being, “too busy.”
“Oh weeeeelll, excuuuuuuse me Mayor Busy of Busy Town, but I guess you’re too busy to continue this conversation with some no life loser like me!!!” is my general response to such statements, before making a status to inform all my friends of said response.
And yet as I get older, my attitude to Facebook and the way I use it changes. Gone are the days where I would spend hours eagerly uploading every single photo in my possession. Nowadays I mostly just upload photos of my cat, Professor of Economics Puzzle Hussein, and I only do this upon her request anyway. The biggest change I’ve noticed is my lack of “Likes.” In my younger days, I would fervently search through Facebook finding the funniest pages, the ones I most identified with and the downright surreal ones and diligently “like” them. In the spirit of nostalgia, I’ve trawled through some of my favourites.
Looking at these Facebook pages is to look into a teenager’s mind, and the philosophical issues that torture them thus. No Facebook group better summarises these existential woes than the “Water has a taste you can’t explain” page. The thing is, it’s TRUE. It really is impossible to define, and over 796,725 Facebook users agree. Not only do they agree, but according to the page there are 5888 Facebook users “talking about this.” Just think, nearly 6000 people are putting their heads together right now to do the unthinkable: explain the taste of water. Similarly surreal groups are rife. My personal favourite is “Like this if you’re dead,” with the subtitle, “I’m dead are you?” This tortured spirit, presumably distressed by his or her recent death, is reaching out to others in a similar predicament and over a thousand other dead people have responded. Good on them. It must be rubbish being dead.
Paranoia is also a common theme among these pages. If I had a penny for every page I saw with titles such as, “I’m not stupid, I know whats going on. You’re stupid to think i dont notice,” I would be a very rich, very depressed lady. What’s with all the angst guys?? No one’s plotting against you! I also enjoy the outrage expressed in these groups. One screams out at me, “I’ve changed?!? YOU’VE changed” Have I?? Blimey, 62,089 people agree too! Well screw you man because I don’t even know you so you must have changed quite significantly since our last encounter whenever that may or may not have been!
On the whole though these groups are harmless, well apart from all the racist and sexist ones…After all, who can forget, “The mini heart attack you get when you miss a step going down the stairs.” I totally do have a mini heart attack when that happens though!!! Or the classic “Awkward moment when…” pages, like the awkward moment when Rebecca’s trying to wrap up this article and isn’t really sure how? Good times. Uh oh! There’s even a page for “The OVERUSE of “Good times” and “Bad times”…. AND Much e.g. Jealous much!” I’m appreciating the jealous example there to put the last one into context by the way.
Well it seems you can’t do much right by these pages but in a world that brought me “Why have abs when you can have kebabs” and “I can’t hear you so ill just laugh and hope it wasn’t a question” (I do this ALL the time!!) I can rest assured knowing that whenever I’m bored/really need to be filling in job applications, I will always find my way back to the Facebook “Like” pages.